Inspiration. What a funny concept? You never know what is going to inspire you. The special events, like a big milestone birthday, should be an obvious inspiration, but instead my inspiration is the fear of heights. (Previous blog.) I woke up this morning just knowing I was going to have so much to say, but here we are. I have been tossing back ideas between awkwardness or inspiration to write about. I chose inspiration because, well, today I should feel inspired, but all I can think about is how awkward I am. As I sit with my hand on my chin and think about what to say next, the idea of being awkward might be what truly does inspire me. I mean, think about it. I love to write. (Now don’t lose me here. I am not saying you have to be awkward to write, it just works for me.) I think I write so well because I say what I need to say without stumbling over my words. Oh wait, this isn’t always true. Man, do I have a story for you. This is totally a “squirrel” moment, but that previous statement I just made inspired me.
So these last couple of months I have been addicted to social media, you know school being out and idle hands and all. (Social media will be another blog soon.) Anyway, through this addiction, I have developed a dang TikTok, IG crush. I will not name this crush, but let’s just say I am extremely enamored by him. He interacts with his fans. Nothing big, he will reply to a message or give a message a like so I like to interact with him. He has an email set up so one morning I thought I would email him. Of course, I just figured it would go to his spam folder. I explained that I had a crush on him. It was an innocent crush but he made me all giddy and it made me feel like I was young again. I told him I had this milestone birthday coming up and asked him if he could give me a shout out on this day, it would make me so happy. I give him my TT and IG handle. I really didn’t think I would hear from him. I open my email, oh, I would say the next day, and I have a message from him. It simply said, “I tried to search and find your Instagram but I was unable to find it with the name you’ve given me!” He ends with a blue heart. Guys, I messed up my IG handle. The same one I have had since I opened my account. I laugh at myself now because I just picture this guy who has millions of fans and followers actually taking the time to do something for me and spends who knows how long trying to find me on Instagram. Yep, my awkwardness won that one. I held onto the email for awhile because I knew that was all I was going to get. Ha ha.
Anyway, back to my awkwardness and inspiration. I either say too much or too little. I often times stumble over my words or say something that I shouldn’t have said. After I leave someone, I think about all the stupid stuff I said and pick apart my mistakes, which leads to me being a little more awkward the next time. But when I write, most the time, the words come easy. If I am upset with my boss, I can put it in an email because I know my point will come across without as much emotion as if I were to speak to him face to face. If I need to ask someone something, if I can text it or put it in an email, I am choosing that route every time. Writing brings out the person I want to be when I talk to someone. Maybe because I am not a small talk type of person and would much rather get down to the niddy griddy, and that is what writing does. You can get to the point without all the small, unnecessary exchange. I am not saying this is a good thing. I need to learn to speak to people face to face better than what I do now; however, I feel free when I write. It helps me let go and see clearer. If you’ve read all my blogs, you probably see the progression. What I mean by this is you probably see the pain I have inside of me at the beginning more so than now. It’s because this blog has allowed me to let go of some of it.
Oh, inspiration, it’s funny on what will inspire you. This blog went a whole different direction than I thought it would. Once I admitted that my thoughts were battling over awkwardness and inspiration, it took a spin, but it for sure inspired me. I guess my advice for you today. Let the not so obvious inspire you. Find your inspiration wherever you can find it. No one can tell you what should inspire you because that is only something you can figure out on your own. Again, you do not have to fit into somebody else’s mold.
Now, I am older. You know milestone birthday and all. I wonder if I will ever overcome my awkwardness? Who knows? But I do know, I hope I never lose my love for writing.