I Am All In

When I woke up a few days ago and decided I was going to start a blog. I had no clue how therapeutic it actually would be. See, as I’ve mentioned, I have really been struggling with who I am and where I belong. Those two simple things, “who I am” and “where I belong’ takes me to many aspects of my life, but I don’t want to discuss those all at once, so I’ve decided to address my career.

First of all, before I dive into this. I want to thank those few that have given me some feedback. Although this is therapeutic for me, I hope there are people that are connecting in some way. So if you have feedback, please, get in touch. Also, my blog has made someone I love really sad, but I hope when he thinks about it, he will understand me a little more. He will see the fighter in me and focus on that side of it because I want him to know that no matter what comes his way, he needs to fight.

Now, back to the topic at hand. My career. This last school year was tough. Teachers trying to figure out a new way of teaching. Students trying to figure out a new way of learning. Teachers not being understood and students not being understood. I most definitely didn’t connect with my students as I have in the past. I feel in order for a student to want to listen to the subject you have to teach that you should also be willing to connect with them. I want them to know that I am there for them for more than the subject. I think almost every year I was able to make the connection with several of my students. I wanted to connect with all, but I am sure that just isn’t feasible. Not all personalities click. This year, I just wasn’t clicking, or maybe I should say, I clicked with a lot less of them. As my previous posts have revealed, I tend to see me as the problem more so than others, so I blame myself for this more so than anyone else. In reality, it was probably just because of the crazy year. However, since I am struggling with who I am and where I belong, I have been wondering if my career is where I should be anymore. I love what I do, please don’t get me wrong, but if I am failing at connecting, then am I where I should be?

As I struggle with this, I got a message yesterday from one of my previous students that has been out in the real world for a couple of years. It was a random message, but needless to say, it came to me when it needed to. Her message said, “No way you’re going to be 50! You look so great and I hope you are doing well! You were a light for me when I was in school and I know you are for others!” Guys, if that isn’t someone giving a sign at the right time, then I don’t know what is. I am not saying that there will not be a time in the near future that I don’t go a different route in my career because I feel if I am not doing the best I possibly can then I am not where I should be, but her message reminded me to fight, which, honestly, I am pretty good at doing. So I am going in this next school year with a new energy and a new hope, I have minds to mold and hopefully I can be that light for someone else.

If you too are struggling with who you are and where you belong, don’t be so hard on yourself. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are, it’s okay to be lost from time to time. My advice, look for those signs. Whether you believe those signs come from a higher place or not, they are out there. You’ve just got to be open to seeing them.

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