Yesterday was a dark day for me and I focused on what I didn’t have and my morning blog reflected just that. I reread it last night and cried really hard. A hard cry that I have not done in a long time. You know the kind that when you wake up you look like a raccoon, but I slept well. Because of sleeping well, I woke up refreshed and decided I wanted to focus on what I do have.
I do want to start out by telling you that I started to blog for a few reasons. One, I love to write, man, do I love to write. Two, my thoughts have been heavy lately and sometimes when you combine the two, it all just comes together and the heaviness becomes lighter. Three, I thought that maybe someone along the way will read my posts and relate and then somehow find relief in the fact that they are not alone. With that being said, some of my blogs will be very dark, but I will try my best to put a positive spin in a response because it all comes down to perspective.
I said yesterday that I never have woken up to someone that loves me deeply. Although this is true, it might be false as well. I remember when my son was little, I would be getting ready for work in the morning and I would hear his little feet running toward me and I would say, “I hear little feet.” I woke up to that every morning until he moved out on his own. (Of course his feet didn’t stay little, ha ha, and he didn’t run to me every morning for all those years either. 🙂 ) Perspective. Maybe I didn’t roll over and look into someone’s eyes, but I did wake up to the best gift God could have ever given me. I won’t go into a lot of detail at this point about my son, but just know I was definitely blessed with this kind soul. I don’t know if I just did something right or God felt sorry for me, but my son is an amazing human being, which is all I’ve ever asked him to be.
I also mentioned yesterday that my friend group is small to the point that it is almost non-existent. That wasn’t a fair statement to the ones that have been there for me. My older brother has been my biggest fan since day one. He has believed in me and supported me and, even in times that I embarrassed him, he always put me first. He may have taken a broom to the head by me a time or two when were younger, but he is my DAY ONE ride or die. I then have my younger brother. He is almost 11 years younger than me, so we had a different bond. I for sure took care of him when he was a child, but as an adult, he became my crutch. He stepped up into the father role in my son’s life at just 16 years old and has never looked back. Those brothers of mine married women who include me and love me when they don’t have to. They have children that I have extremely close relationships with. These relationships are the only things that keep me here. When I say here, I mean my home town. (This topic is for another blog). Yes, I lost a couple of really, close tight friends to death, but I still have ones that love me consistently and constantly. It is ok to really, really miss the ones you lost, but don’t lose time with the ones you have. For sure, I’d say that’s perspective.
My age, well dammit, I can’t change it, right. I might as well enjoy. I was born in the 70s, my teens were in the 80s, and major life-changing events happened to me in the 90s. To me those were the best three decades ever. Great music, great cars, and great hair. The 2000s, I have gotten to see my kid grow up (he was born in the late 90s). Do I understand why things sometimes go the way they have for me? Not at all. I ask God everyday to please let me know why I was chosen for this path I’ve been put on, but then I remember, he gave me the son I have, the parents I grew up with, and my brothers and their families. I may not have a lot of friends, but the ones God has given me were/are some of the most solid people anyone would want in his/her life. Perspective.
I woke up today grateful that I get another chance to make it better day than I had yesterday. That doesn’t mean I won’t have another bad day because I will, but each day is a chance to conquer the best you, so I am going to try and be the better person than I was yesterday. I hope you do the same.
P.S. When I was thinking about what direction I wanted to go today for my blog, I took the title “Broken” that I used in yesterday’s blog and it instantly made me think about times that my older brother and I would break things growing up and glue them back together in hopes that Mom wouldn’t see. Of course, she did, because once you are broken, you are never the same, but you are still useful, and sometimes those scars you have from when you were broken can be the flaws that have made you stronger today. Perspective.