As I sit at my niece’s basketball camp, I think about how spent I am. Not because of the fact that I am with my niece, but because of yet another “man” reaching out to me on social media and wanting to chat. They don’t want to chat; however, on the source they contacted me on, but through another app. I have major trust issues as it is. I don’t believe anyone has good intentions when they contact me, so I always ask myself as to why I accepted the message in the first place. Well, then I answer with, “But what if.” Freakin, what if. It has been my enemy for the majority of my life. I often wonder what would have happened if I would have or would have not done this or that. I had someone recently tell me that I can’t live my life scared. Guess who told me this? Someone I met online. I know I am being catfished by this person, but I like talking to someone, so I play it safe and don’t give any information out that could be damaging, but that damn “what if” keeps creeping in. What if I am being as safe as I can be, but I am really not being safe and don’t have a clue. Well, that what if should make me want to step away, but then the next “what if” I ask myself creeps up. What if this guy is really legit and we are truly connecting? Even as I type that I laugh. My trust issues run deep. Why would some random person find me on my social media page and decide to chat me up? So yeah, trust issues run deep, but my insecurities run even deeper. (If you read my previous blog, I will just say “damaged goods” and that will make sense to you.)
So when I say I am spent I mean I am tired. I don’t know what to do. People meet people online and it works out, right? How do I believe anyone that randomly approaches me? How do I let my guard down? Or should I even do so? If you have any answers to these questions, please, I am all for advice. In reality, I want to meet someone the old fashioned way, but I guess when you have insecurities and trust issues like I do, even the old fashioned way would have me guessing. Ugh, I just don’t know. Do you?
#onlinedating #socialmedia #whatif